What 2018 has taught me

Hello my darlings and Happy New Year!! I hope you all had a wonderful new year eve’s and new years day! Can you believe it’s already 2019!? Seems crazy right! 2018 has been one hell of year for me! From struggling with my physical and mental health, to saying “I do” to my best friend, and wrapping up the year with a truly once in a lifetime honeymoon trip, 2018 has been packed full of memories. Through the memories, this year has also taught me a lot so I thought for today, I would write a post about the lessons 2018 has given me. So here are 8 things this past year has taught me, hope you enjoy! 🙂

  1. Nothing is ever going to go exactly how you picture/planned, but that’s okay

After spending over a year planning our Disney themed wedding, I had a clear picture of how I wanted every detail of that day to go. No matter what other people told me, I couldn’t let go of that picture and kept saying, “Oh, I won’t be that bride.” Well..I was that bride. Our wedding was amazing but I would be lying if I said every detail went exactly how I wanted it to. But in the end, all those little details didn’t really matter. All that mattered was I got to marry my best friend and I wish I had enjoyed more of the planning process instead of obsessing over every detail. In the same way, I had this picture in my head that by the wedding, Tom and I would have our own place. This also never materialized and though that was tough to handle, I know now that at that time, it wasn’t the right time for us to have a home. 2018 has shown me that just because you have a picture in your mind of how you want something to go, it will more than likely, never go exactly like that but that is okay. Because in the end, even if we don’t know it, we are exactly where we are supposed to be and as long as you’re surrounded by loving friends and family, any event will be special. Even if every detail doesn’t go as planned.

  1. You’re not alone, remember to lean on your friends and family

There were many moments this year where I felt alone. Wedding planning stress mixed with trying to find a house mixed with just generic health issues had me at my breaking point numerous times. Being the stubborn person I am, I convinced myself I was alone in all of this but in reality, I wasn’t. I have some of the most amazing friends, family, and now husband around me and once I let down my guard and I let them help me, this weight was lifted off my shoulder and I could smile again. 2018 was a year full of memories with some of my best girlfriends and throughout all of it, I believe it really brought us closer together and I can not wait to see the memories we will make in 2019. It’s hard sometimes to believe we aren’t alone when we are going through difficult times. It’s even harder when you suffer from a mental illness that basically convinces you that you are alone in this but the truth is, you’re not. When your going through something stressful, don’t isolate yourself and hide but instead, lean on the ones closest to you, because I guarantee you, once you do, you’ll realize just how loved you are and whatever your dealing with, won’t seem so big anymore.

  1. Home is not always a place

Besides for planning a wedding, my main focus this entire year was trying to buy a house, a home. Our living situation is not the best but after constant disappointment and struggles, I realized something very important. Home isn’t always a place. You could have a huge, two-story house but if it’s not filled with love, all it is is a building. 2018 taught me that my home is with my husband and our two fur babies. It doesn’t matter if we are living in his mom’s house, my grandmas, or our own house, as long as we are together, I know i’m home.

  1. Change can be difficult but it’s inevitable

This year brought two major changes to my life. One good and one bad. Obviously, the good change is that I’m a wife now. Getting married is something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl and it’s still so unreal to me that I really am married. This was a welcomed change. I won’t say it wasn’t scary because it definitely was but it’s a change I am very happy to have happened in my life. On the other hand, losing a job I had been a part of since graduating high school, was a change that brought sadness and still affects me. Though at times my job was difficult, I really did enjoy working in student financial services at my local college. The best part was having so many supportive co-workers who became a second family to me. I knew my temporary position would come to an end in November but it didn’t hurt any less. I’m still struggling with this change. That job was all I’ve known for 4 years and having to now find a new job is beyond stressful to me. But 2018 showed me that you can’t stop change, it’s going to happen. The only thing you can control, is how you deal with that change. Though I am still very upset about my job ending, i’m trying to look at it as an open door and a chance to find a career that i’m meant to be in. A career that truly makes me happy. So even though I know it’s tough, next time a difficult change happens in your life, try to look at what the bright side could be. You never know, it could be the start of the best years of your life.

  1. It’s okay to splurge and treat yourself now and then but not everyone is going to agree with you

After planning and paying for a wedding basically on our own, Tom and I were ready to just get away. We were extremely blessed to be able to take a two and a half week honeymoon that including going to three, well 7 if you count the ports, places. We started our honeymoon in North Carolina, than Walt Disney World, and finally, an 8 day eastern Caribbean carnival cruise to Grand Turk, Puerto Rico, St. Kitts, and St. Maarten. This truly was a once-in-a-lifetime trip for us and I am so beyond grateful and happy that we got to experience all we did in those two and a half weeks as newlyweds. However, before going, we got some hate from family members. They believed we were wasting our money and going away for way to long. It was hard to block them out but in the end, we both knew we needed this honeymoon after such a stressful year. 2018 showed me that not everyone is going to agree with your decisions but you have to follow your heart and know that it’s okay to splurge now and then.

  1. Exercise and healthy eating is the best medicine

2018 was the year Tom and I finally joined our local gym. Both of us wanted to get more in shape for the wedding but more than just weight loss for me, the gym became a place where I felt at peace. I had always been told that exercise and eating healthy works wonders for anxiety and depression but I was always too stubborn and lazy to try. Once I got engaged though, I knew I wanted to be healthier before walking down that aisle so I let Tom convince me to join the gym and that was one of the best decisions I made this past year. Working out provides me with clarity,energy, and just a sense of happiness and purpose that I don’t always feel. I absolutely love going to the gym and even though I haven’t been in a while due to all the wedding, honeymoon,and holiday stress, I can not wait to return this week. 2018 showed me that exercise really does do wonders so next time someone suggests trying the gym to help with anxiety and/or depression, don’t just ignore them but try it. You never know how therapeutic it can be.

  1. Remember to document the memories, not just the place

As many of you know, I love to take pictures, videos, and write about memories I have made. Documenting my life is something that is both fun and therapeutic for me. This year, I have also got into vlogging more serious and hope by the end of 2019, will have a YouTube channel up and running to share that side of my life. Though I took probably over 1000 photos on my honeymoon, one thing I noticed was many of my photos were of the places or things around me. 2018 showed me that it’s not the place that is important, but the memory and the people you share these experiences with that is important to document. 20 years from now, I want to look in a photo album and see pictures of my husband and I on the beach in Grand Turk vs. just a plain beach picture. Though I took some like this, I really wish I took more. Especially when it comes to the videos I took. So next time your documenting a moment, remember that it’s the people who are most important to capture and the beauty of the place is just a bonus.

  1. But also know when to just savor the moment and put the camera down

As important as documenting may be, you also need to know when to just put the camera down and savor the moment. Though Tom loves to take pictures and video too, he is a heavy believer in just savoring certain moments. When we were in Disney, we got to witness the Happily Ever After Fireworks and also were given a wishing key to hold and make a wish on during the show. I was so determined to capture the fireworks on video, that even though we made a wish and I shed some tears because of how beautiful the display was, I feel in my heart I didn’t get to savor such a special moment with my husband because I was too focused on recording the show to watch later. 2018 has shown me that it’s okay to want to document everything, but just know that some things are only meant to be saved in a memory. Some moments will be 10x more special if they are just moments shared with the person or people around you and not photographed or videotaped to see in the future.

So there you have it, 8 things 2018 has taught me. Like I said in my last post, 2018 has been the happiest, yet, most difficult year of my life. It was filled with memories and laughter but also disappointment and tears, but through it all, 2018 was truly an unforgettable year and one that taught me so much. So now I ask you, what is something 2018 taught you this year? Drop a comment down below and as alway, I hope you enjoyed reading this!

Until next time,

Kaylee D. ❤

2018, The year of Change

2018, The year of Change

 

I can’t even wrap my head over the fact that today is the last day of 2018. This year has been one of the most difficult but also most joyish years of my life. The memories I have made throughout this year are some of the most important memories I know I will ever have and I feel beyond blessed this year to have experienced all that I got to experience. Because of this, I thought it would be fun to write an overview of my year type blog post, highlighting the top moments, good and bad, that have shaped my 2018. Before I begin though, I am aware that it has been a long time since I last posted a blog post and I am so sad that that is the case. My life has been pretty crazy since the wedding but my goal in the next few weeks is to post many different blog posts catching you all up on my beautiful wedding, amazing mini moon/honeymoon, and just life in general. But for today, if you would like to read more about the best year of my life, just keep on reading. 🙂

 

January

The first month of the year I started off by saying that this was going to be my “perfect” year. Sitting here today, I have learned that there is no such thing as “Perfect”. One of the biggest lessons 2018 has taught me is nothing is ever going to go as “perfect” as you think, but that’s for another blog post. Though this is true, I really did find the perfect for me wedding gown and in the beginning of January, my grandmother bought it for me and we picked out the bridesmaid dresses from David’s Bridal. Finding such a picture perfect princess gown was something I had dreamed of since I was a little girl and I remember when I turned and faced the mirror for the first time, I couldn’t help but smile. In that moment, it became real to me that in 9 months, I was going to be walking down the aisle to my best friend in this dress. No words can truly express how I felt in that moment and I am so happy that I had one of my bridesmaids record that moment for me.

February

My happy moment though, did not last long because that following month, I became very sick. The first couple weeks of february were straight hell. In and out of urgent care, the emergency room, not being able to eat solid food,dehydrated constantly, being told I was fine when I felt like I was dying and finally going through an endoscopy to learn that I had gastritis and an hiatal hernia. Throughout all of that, I also started to suffer heavily with depersonalization and dissociation symptoms. Now I had experienced these before but never this strong and unfortunately, these would continue to affect me for most of 2018. Though the beginning part of february was probably the hardest weeks physically and mentally of my life, the month ended with me finally getting the stomach medication I needed, celebrating valentines day for the first time as an engaged couple, registering at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and finally, Tom leasing a 2018 honda civic hatchback.

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March

March brought another first for Tom and I, our first overnight trip away together just the two of us. March 21st marked 5 years since Tom and I became an official couple and even though every year we tried to go away for our anniversary, something always happened that made our plans fall through. This year was different though. This year, we finally went away and even if it was just one night near Mohegan Sun, it was such a fun and special trip for the two of us. Not only did I get to taste my first warm Krispy Kreme doughnut, I also got to gamble for the first time and spend quality time with my husband to be.

April

To help booked couples see how their wedding reception will go, Fox Hill Inn has a mini reception/tasting each year specifically for booked couples. April was the month Tom and I finally got to experience a taste of what our wedding night would be. We got to taste a bunch of different delicious food, dance some, and even get a special deal on different wedding day stations for our guests. This fox hill mini reception was definitely the highlight of April for me because it really got me excited for my wedding and also relaxed me on some of the details for that day.

May

May, however, was another month where there were good moments, but also defining tough ones. For the good, May was the month we selected our wedding menu, I decided to get my hair dyed blonde ombre, Megan had her Bridal shower and probably the most important moment of all, I finally graduated DCC after 4 years with an associates in general studies. May though was also the month I had my last therapy session with a therapist I really loved and trusted. When Lori informed me she would be leaving, I felt my entire world turn upside down. Lori made me feel less crazy, she believed in me and she respected my medication fear. Losing her was beyond hard but the things she had taught me in the months prior were things I was able to carry with me and though I know I will eventually have to find a new therapist, Lori showed me i’m not as broken or messed up as I once believed.

June

June was a happy month. Adrian, my best friend’s son, turned one and we had a wonderful birthday party for him. It was so unreal to me that he was already 1 when it seemed like just yesterday he was this infant lexi placed in my arms. Watching him grow was definitely one of my favorite parts of this past year. My cousin Michael and his fiance Megan got married which caused Tom to finally get to go to a wedding. That day was just filled with love and once again, really made me excited for my upcoming nuptials in 4 months. I also got a job as a temporary program assistant in my office which brought much more responsibility to my life and though at times this job would make me want to scream, I am so happy I was able to have had that experience. Lastly, June was the month where me and my girls finally did a pre-wedding activity and went to the Bronx zoo together. We even made minnie mouse hats to wear so everyone knew this was a pre-bachelorette outing!

July

July was also a fun month. Tom turned 23 and we went on our annual Ocean City NJ vacation trip with my family from Pennsylvania. Like always, that trip was nothing but fun but this year it was so sentimental thinking back to last July when Tom popped the question at the top of the wonder wheel. July was also the month that Tom and I got pre-approved for a mortgage. At the time, I cried with happiness but my little naive self was not prepared for all that was soon going to hit me because of it.

August

August began with a camping trip to Gilberts Lake with Tom, my soon to be brother and sister in laws and Victoria’s fiance. What started off as a trip I was dreading, became a highlight of my entire year and one of the most fun trips I had been on in a long time. The following weekend, I walked into my surprise Bridal shower which was also so much fun and Tom and I wound up getting so many amazing gifts. We sent out our wedding invitations to our guests and than got hit with the first of a few house disappointments. When a house we had fallen in love with accepted an offer that wasn’t ours, I was heartbroken. It was like I saw my future in front of me and with a phone call it had all broken away. Slowly though, with Toms help, I got over losing that “perfect” home and we continued our house hunting.

September

In September, my girls and I went on another pre-bachelorette outing and went to Six Flags for the day. I got my hair dyed back to my natural brunette color and my baby girl Luna turned 2 years old. This month I also hit 50 followers on this blog and though it doesn’t seem like a lot, it meant the world to me. Which is partly why, sitting here now, I feel so sad because I hate not posting here for all of you but life and mental illness have just gotten in the way so much and have prevented me from having any motivation to write lately. I can only hope that 2019 will be the year where I really do keep up with my blog and also, finally, start a youtube channel.

October

October. Oh October. This was the month that highlighted my entire year. I had an amazing bachelorette weekend at Mohegan Sun with my girls, a fun-filled rehearsal dinner and after party at Olive Garden and Round one, a relaxing salon day the day before the wedding with my girls and of course, the most important event of all of 2018, my wedding day. October 28th 2018 was the day I finally married my best friend, my soul mate, and the love of my life. Our Disney themed wedding was a day straight out of a story book and better than anything I could have ever dreamed of. After our wedding, we also got to have a wonderful mini-moon at Cove Haven which was the perfect way to end such a fairytale month. It’s crazy to think I started October 2018 as Kaylee DeMarco but ended it as Kaylee D’Ascanio.

November

Our actual honeymoon started in November. But November was also the month that my position at DCC ended which also ended my 4 year long job in the student financial services office. Having to leave a job I love and more importantly, coworkers who had became family was one of the hardest things I had to do and something I’m still struggling with. But when I think of November, I think of our magical honeymoon. Leaving the day after thanksgiving, we began our honeymoon in North Carolina where I finally got to meet Tom’s family down there. After 4 days there, we headed to Florida where I finally got to experience all the Magic of Disney World. I won’t lie, I cried when I saw the castle for the first time. Ending November in the happiest place on earth, well, I couldn’t ask for anything better.

December

The start of December, Tom and I boarded our 8 day Eastern Caribbean Carnival cruise, our last part to our magical honeymoon. We got to visit Puerto Rico, St. Maarten, Grand Turk, and St. Kitts. When we returned, it was back to the real world but my annual cousin shopping trip with grandma for christmas, my 23rd birthday, and Christmas itself all helped to make the adjustment from paradise to back home a little less stressful.

And that brings us to today, December 31st 2018. The last day of such an incredible year. As you can see, this year brought many ups, as well as some downs. I started off this year as a fiance and am ending it as a wife. I hope you enjoyed reading this post about my 2018 but now I want to hear from you. Tell me in the comments below what was one defining moment for you in 2018. If you enjoyed this post, especially the pieces about our wedding, mini moon, and honeymoon, than please keep your eye out because my plan is to post a lot about these three things in this upcoming month! Until than, Happy new years everyone! I hope 2018 was a great year for you and I hope that 2019 will be even better! 🙂 

Until next time,

Kaylee D. ❤